In a local movie theater a few weekends past my wife
Cindy and I were “lucky” enough to sit in front of the
individual I refer to as Cody Commentator. This is the guy who feels
his viewing partner isn’t observant enough to understand the
finer points of a scene so he indicates all the details. Maybe this
is so that they will be proud of his insight or possibly he doesn’t
trust them to figure it out alone. Unfortunately Cody is only one
in a string of special chatters that seem to be popping up in theater
seats. You may also have met Emily Emoter. Emily deems it necessary
to release all her emotions in audible form. Her favorite phrases
are “oh my”, “would you look at that” and
various forms of “ooh” and “ahh”. Emily’s
sister Debbie Dictator is more vocal and has no problem actually talking
out loud directly to the characters on screen. Especially when they
have done something she finds absurd and need her direction. The most
intriguing of the family is Connie Conversationalist. Connie loves
to discuss all non plot related topics during the film. Her favored
questions breathed in hushed, not too quiet form are, “didn’t
we see him in something else”, “I liked her better with
short hair”, “did you see him on Leno last night”
and “is this a diet drink?” I casually asked a group of
co-workers how they handle these situations. One mother in her 30’s
said she had no problem telling strangers to be quiet. One guy said
he prefers the “turn and stare” or the subtle “throat
clear”. I realize that film makers love to get reactions from
their audiences and I am not talking about a well timed scream or
collective gasps and guffaws. Those are welcome and enhance the movie
experience. But the unnecessary chatter has to stop. In the words
of Del Griffith, nothing grinds my gears worse than some chowderhead
that doesn’t know when to keep his big trap shut.(Planes, Trains
and Automobiles). . I’m Matt Mungle.